i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
