I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
