I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We have started to decorate penises.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
