I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
