Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
