So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
