Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
