About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So squirting runs in the family.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
