You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
