He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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