i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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