I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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