a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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