i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
