I will die if light touches me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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