dude i'm inner monologue high
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
