My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
