Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
