yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
