I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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