when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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