well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
