I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
