A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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