I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
