How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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