Screwed.edu
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
