So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
