Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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