i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
