Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
