it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
