You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
