it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
