We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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