I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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