You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
