i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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