the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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