literally had 100 drinks last night.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She bit a glass in half.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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