you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
