I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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