Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
