i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
