I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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