For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
