I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
