In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
