I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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