it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
