Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
