Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I FOUND THE LEGS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
