"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
