I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
