this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
