I puked a lego.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
