i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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