I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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